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Essentially, it mimics the classic hand job, but won’t suddenly lose pressure or suffer from that perfectly- timed hand cramp. So, let’s take it back to the basics, with a quick outline of the various toy types available to men and people with penises. In the name of research, we tasked our sex writer and some willing volunteers — spanning the sexuality and gender identity spectrum — with testing every toy in this line-up, as well as some others that didn’t make the cut. We decided not to test the original Smile Makers’s The Billionaire because it required one AA battery for four hours of use. The redesigned version has a rechargeable battery, but costs $20 more than the Satisfyer Purple Pleasure, and is covered by a lesser warranty.

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